Choleena DiTullio

Over a year ago, I was in a “hard place” in the studio. You’ve heard of writer’s block? Well, artists get it, too.

A favourite client of mine had asked me to consider creating a mosaic of delicate wild roses that grow out from underneath a massive granite rock (with quartz seams/ deposits) at the shore of her cottage plot in Georgian Bay, Ontario, Canada. It would be the fourth paper-mosaic commission for this client, and since it’s always a pleasure to collaborate with them, I wholeheartedly accepted. The only thing was… I had no idea how to start it.

Here’s something that you probably don’t know… artists ‘fake it ’til they make it’ all the time. If a project seems within our realm, it makes sense to take the commission. Once-in-a-while, we come to realize that there is a part of that project that will require knowledge or skill beyond our current ability. Although it means simply taking time to research, brainstorm, experiment, or learn something new, we start to get nervous. We have to put an inordinate amount of emotional and mental effort into convincing ourselves that we can achieve it — it’s a common human behaviour, really. When we are blocked for prolonged periods of time, Impostor Syndrome can creep in, too. Even with all our skills and achievements, we still doubt our abilities. As you can imagine, confidence wanes.

(Too recently) I finally got to the stage in my life where I don’t doubt myself (as much!). I now follow this sentiment, as written by one of my favourite TV writers: “it’s not that I can’t do it; it’s just that I haven’t learned it yet.” This quote was spoken by the President (played by Martin Sheen), in the TV series The West Wing, an American political drama created/written by Aaron Sorkin. (It’s really worth your time, if you like that sort of show.)

I interpret the quote to mean that at every moment of anyone’s life, there is something (many things) that they don’t know yet. We are constantly learning. Just because school is over, doesn’t mean that we stop learning. We shouldn’t deprecate ourselves simply because we haven’t learned it yet. We learn it, and then move on to being a more knowledgeable/experienced person. We all admire people who grow; so, why don’t “impostors” allow themselves that same admiration and expectation? It’s time that I did!

Having contemplated the stone’s surface or “skin” –pock marks, quartz lines, erosion gouges from ages of elemental exposure– for such an extended period, I now consider this a loving “portrait” of it.

But, a year ago, I wasn’t there yet. Sketches for this piece got me nowhere. Taking a break to work on other orders got me nowhere. Several rounds of rinse-repeat got me nowhere. It wasn’t until December, when I was rooting through my special leaf paper, that I finally got to know-where. I finally knew where to start. (Happy accidents abound when you ‘leaf’ yourself open to them.) You see, a huge part of my struggle was how to visually represent the rough texture of the rock. Seeing leaf paper sprouted an idea. I photographed leaves, and experimented/tested to see if overlapped leaf textures could look enough like seams/lines/textures of a rock.

They did.

With that break-through, the piece took only a few weeks to complete. I gave my client the option to have beads as stamens in the flower (there was no way that I could cut pieces of paper that tiny). She liked the idea, so I borrowed from my jewelry-making days, and found very suitable yellow beads in my collection. And, with the client’s kind permission, what started out as a special order, resulted in 6 variants! Each has been turned into a signed and numbered edition of no more than 25. They will all be framed and have my lush, glossy finish.

Just as wild roses determinedly grew out from under this boulder, my art practice also grew, and I became bolder. If I had turned down this project, I wouldn’t have blossomed from it, and my repertoire of art wouldn’t be 6 pieces bigger. Every growth opportunity better prepares you for future projects, builds perseverance and confidence, and provides a memorable milestone in life and career. Grab those opportunities as often as you can. Reach out to your artist community, if you need support or encouragement to do so. Most importantly, don’t take this advice for granite. 😉

In short, turn artist block into artists rock!

To the patrons, art-lovers and clients of artists… keep challenging us with exciting ideas and projects. You drive us. You inspire us. You help us bloom!

All my best,
~Choleena